so the workshop did not happen and I will have to rethink the whole deal.
But it is ok now that Hubby is back to full time work and my job is just around the corner! Sometime in May I go back to the canyon. I must admit that I have enjoyed this week at home without the ever present hovering spouse and his daytime TV penchant.
Maybe I can hope for some of the art I have hanging around town will sell. In the meantime..I have been conjuring up ideas as per my last post. I do envy artists who work everyday and crank out amazing art. My process is different but I am sure there are those who can relate.
First I have to deal with the myriad amount of chores..but not complaining since it involves keeping my pets up to snuff!
Then there is the coffee which is a ritual for me. I didn't realize how much of the actual making of the coffee was such an important ritual for me..not exactly a tea ceremony..but certainly something that puts me in a different frame of mind.
There is the dealing with knee pain if I know I am headed to the studio..easily dealt with a dose of Aleve.
I was wallowing a bit in depression. Diagnosed years ago with chemical depression and given Prozac which after a time I realized saved me from the abyss.
But you pay a price and that for me was not having the mood swings which at the time of diagnosis were out of control but with some therapy I learned how to minimize the swings and have gone for years without meds.
But I decided to use the Prozac again after my oldest son was diagnosed with mild bi-polar. We wanted to make sure that wasn't what I was experiencing too. But no just some depression. So his very nice doctor prescribed the dose that seemed to help and when I used the last of the refills over 4 weeks ago. She refused to refill it saying I was no longer a patient of hers.
Well that made me depressed..because I hadn't seen her in over 6 months and didn't realize that we were now going our separate ways. But after a day of that I realized I could make do or get another doctor.
Wouldn't ya know that very evening a research doctor came out and said that depression meds were no better than placebos and he had research to back up his claim. Now I don't believe every Tom, Dick and Harry who does minimal research and makes claims that seem far fetched...but it is intriguing. So I will work on more exercise and better diet and see how I do without the meds that made me so even I was dull!
Now don't laugh knowing that I failed the Dr. Oz 2 day cleanse so easily. It was a yuck situation, and I know better what I need to do than anyone.
So now I get to the part of the day where I make the crucial decision to get on the f@#$% computer and then find it difficult to get off.
When the computer is on, the artistic creativity wanes and the will goes to nil and I want to take a nap.
I definitely need to limit time here.
Obviously I am still working on process to the making of art. I have become such a creature of habit that I cannot seem to get to something new until the housework/checking in with Mom, etc. are done.
So then I do use the time between sleep and awake to brainstorm. I write down ideas on my lists..of which are many.
Then I envision what and how I will do the art..before ever even setting foot in the studio.
The actual art making comes quickly after all of this.
I am not sure if it because I know I am wasting time, or if the need to daydream about it all is crucial to what I do..but it is how I work.
It seems hit or miss and I think I can do better. I know I need deadlines sometimes and definitely structure.
Plus I really want a good garden this year and some more chicks..not to put obstacles in my path to more art but to make this property more productive and get me out of the house more.
Did this seem random? Well that would explain why I envy those artists with such great work habits...mine need sprucing up!!!
Still I really love doing art. I love the processes, the experimentation, the results. I love the daydreaming as I slowly awake, the ideas that I get, the visualizations. Yes it not the actual making of art but it is the way I go.
So those of you who produce something everyday..be thankful for your singlemindedness (is that a word?) that keeps you producing and selling.
And for those of us who don't work that way...well if I was younger..I might be able to change the whole way I work..but now I just accept and do and realize that I won't be the artist who paints everyday.
I do know that I cannot have too much on my plate or I tend to shut down..so maybe the workshops were a bit ambitious. I know the open studio and the fact that I have art all over town tends to make me scattered and unable to focus. So maybe I have done what I can and need to accept it and slowly carefully move forward.
You say being careful isn't a road to creativity but I mean being careful with me, my psyche, my feelings, my limits which are many. I have no limits to some things I do and in some areas I have limits that keep me happy and sane!! That would involve not allowing toxic thoughts and people into my space. So those are learned limits, necessary to my flying free in my mind and my studio.
So after reading this over..I am done randomly going on and ready for some art..yay.
I hope you all understand and don't worry because I am good and happy to know who I am. Have a great weekend..I am !!!!
