Friday, June 25, 2010
This is a photo i took last night.I have not posted for a while or kept up with all of you..so sorry but my eyes cannot read computer late night and I have been working so hard on cleaning out my tack shed that I literally have not painted for days. I just don't seem to have enough energy to do all things when I want to..when did that happen? When did my body betray me? But shed is done and now there is a pile of stuff to haul to the dump and that is Hubby's job. I have watched a lot of Colorado Rockies baseball and enjoy that so much.
Still I know I put obstacles in the way of my painting. It has been hurtful and strange to think that so much of what I was doing simply hasn't worked for me. Hubby put it correctly to me today when he said I need to decide if the art is a money making effort and if that is so, then I should just get a job. It reminded me that for years I was so against treating making art as a job..because I wanted to love it. But this past 1 1/2 years has been about trying to position myself to make money on my art and the joy went away..funny..you would think I would know better but have to keep relearning the lessons! I will start painting this weekend again..I am participating in the Wasatch Plein Air Paradise and it goes from tomorrow till July 2, then there are 2 paintouts which I probably will not do. I quit looking at art and going to gallery stroll, I quit talking about my art, I quit painting, I quit entering shows,
I am afraid my paddle plant has died at the studio I have not gone to for days.. So now I want to do 4 small plein air paintings in something other than trying complete representation. Then I hope I can start a project of teaching myself a new way to paint..a losing myself in the paintings and trying not to let everyday money problems creep into what I am doing. I know I said I was giving up my studio but I still can't make that decision..sigh sometimes it would be great if someone would take over and let me paint. I have been in charge of all things financial, keeping house, raising sons, even took over for my Mom when she went back to work when I was 13..I cooked and cleaned for a family of 7 for several years.. I just so wanted a life of my own and it really has never happened. I have never had anyone who could help so I could do what I need for myself. Not a question of not asking..I ask, I get turned down, or I trust and things crash and burn. Oh well..my life and I get to live it and try harder to make things work. I was hoping that with age would come wisdom, more like with age has come regret, indecision, loneliness and self-doubt!! Yipes. wish me luck on my plein air and I hope to catch up on past blogs soon. Have a great weekend.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Today,..this week has been a revelation...my brain..firing on cylinders rarely used!!! My eyes..behind my head seeing things in such a different way..Why this week? why now? my confidence in my art had been shakey at best, and my skills torn, broken.my need for approval over the top. My feelings arbitrary, depressed, my mood black and sad. So what has awakened me? Reading the Peter London book (No more second hand art,awakening the artist within)? Maybe, he has written about things in a way I haven't thought but I am only on page 34..much more to read and hopefully understand. I have read many books on creativity and felt mild eureka moments so I am somewhat of a skeptic..I watched an interesting documentary on the 4 yr. old phenom abstaract artist, Marla Olmstead. I was amazed at her paintings..I don't care who did them. I read a book on Joan Mitchell, I revere artist Gaylon Hansen, I am a Helen Frankenthaler fan. Klee, Pollack,Rothko, the guy from Ogden who did a minalmalist abstract on kraft paper and blew me away at the statewide show last summer. I am attracted to abstract art ..it makes me emotional..and I don't understand why. I want to slather color on fields of white, yellow, red and black. I want to put this color next to that color and then draw something in there..WHAT!?!
I have decided to give up my studio space because I was not happy with the quiet, the commute, the lack of camaraderie. I am probably going to dismantle my website, my Red Bubble Account and art presence in other areas. I will return to them when I spend some major time doing new art, investigating where I am going with it and hopefully reaching some level of competency. I am not going to enter shows until I feel I have reached another level. Do you think this is drastic? Well yes it is!And it is meant to be that way. When the path is wrong..do you keep going on it or returning to it hoping it will take you to the place that is not anywhere near that path? Do you step off and stay close and keep it in sight and never really change direction, just fooling yourself into believing you have changed? Or do you make the change, step off the path with an about face and walk into the woods, even if you can't see the clearing, or the goal or the citadel? Walking into the dark in order to find your light..not someone else's light..but your light. Well?
OK it is not really me to force myself into the abnormal. I talk big..but when it comes to a showdown, well I am all about avoidance..but I can't ignore the pain in my head, the lights in my eyes, the crazy desire to paint what I want. so here I go..
I will be here but the art hopefully will be different and better.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I made a big decision the other day and since I feel relieved, happy and not as concerned as I thought I would be..well must be the right decision! Spent Monday and Tuesday in the sun, puttering around the house, reading a good book (Peter London's No More Second Hand Art, Awakening The Artist Within) and in general relaxing.
Then it came to me and the decision was made to give up my studio space and bring all of it home and work from here. I didn't realize what a homebody I am until I would be up at the studio, it would be very quiet and I would be longing to be painting at home. Let me tell you the decision to have a studio was made not in haste, but with a thought that I would treat it like a job and I would produce steadily and be a part of an artist community, give and take with others on art, and eventually my art would pay for the space and it would make perfect sense to commute to this space. Besides my husband works graveyard shift and he sleeps during the day and when he isn't asleep he has a tendency to follow me around..kind of like a young child. Besides I figured I would be distracted by not only him but the bills, the housecleaning, the laundry..you know what I mean!!!!
Well it didn't turn out that way. Do you ever feel as if you are always coming late to the party??
I do and in this case it was true. This particular studio complex used to be further north and into the Salt Lake City Proper. The community of artists were vibrant, excited, busy and communicating with each other. When the complex moved south and to this bigger building, some of the artists did not move but eventually created their own space somewhere else and it is a busy, vibrant, give and take group. This complex I am in has gotten quieter and attracted a more solitary artist and there isn't any communication. When I am there generally there are only a few people there if anyone! And not too friendly. I am sure they are nice but no one stops to say hello, or notices your open door. True, they are there to work..but there is no sense of community except during the 2 open studio events a year.
I found I need the noise! After spending 3 years working on campus studios with many others, having that community and support, and living by the busy road (I hate it but guess I now miss the noise!) I find I am unable to work in the silent vacuum..even music doesn't chase it away, and taking my dog didn't help.
So with that lengthy bit of explanation..I am coming home during July and my family has agreed to help move stuff so I can have a space until we can afford to build me something on the property. I can honestly say I am excited, and it has spurred me on to cleaning out some rooms that really have needed it and that will satisfying and results will be great.
I am sure the landlord will let me come and participate in open studio as a guest, and I can join an artist co-op and be a part of some community. At any rate..I am a happy camper..
Today I am posting 4 items and trying to narrow it to 2 for an entry tomorrow in a statewide show..maybe you can tell me if you like 2 of them?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
So I have been plein air painting in the rain. And since I haven't done plein air in a year..I really suck!!! Here is what I got done and have to turn in today for the Holladay Event. I hate it when I get excited about doing something and not only does the weather not cooperate but I can't get the brush and paint to do what I want..you would think I had never painted before. I haven't taken pics of the bookstore show but have posted all the paintings here before. My friend Derek who is hanging his work with mine is a young man who was in Iraq as a captain in the army. He saw alot of gory battles and aftermath. He has used this in his art and it has been powerful. He only brought one that was about the apocalypse and had a faint biblical reference..the manager of the store decided it was too controversial and took it down! Censorship is alive and well in the United States. It was not overt and certainly would not have freaked kids out..but the manager has the final say and it is a free venue..so out it went. This is not the first time he has been censored. It happened at the Senior BFA Show that was not supposed to be censored. I have had another young friend censorted at the gallery in the University. It was handled badly and really ended up making no sense..that is a story for another day..suffice to say..it was wrong and so is this instance.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Finally got show hung at the bookstore today..and it looks good..but I have space for a few more so I will go to the studio and pick out a few more that are framed and then I will take pics.
It was 93 degrees yesterday then had an amazing thunderstorm in the evening..not as hot today but another storm brewing.
Attending a new plein air event..Holladay, Utah. But I need to scout the area..
Of course my order of plein air frames probably won't be here in time so I am planning on using gallery wrapped canvas.
I got 2 items juried into a local show..now I have to frame one!
Seems like all things art are happening at the same time! Makes life fun but harried!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Today I cleaned my studio, and wired my watercolors to hang on Monday. Then I got paints ready for my plein air easel, and found my canvas for the upcoming plein air 3 day workshop in Ogden, Utah. Do your paint tubes get so gummed up you can't open them? I cleaned all of my tubes up. And I have new paints coming that I ordered online. WHEW...then I started home. Exactly 27 miles and it took me almost an hour. 0-15 miles per hour for at least 3/4 of the way. Someone had a wreck. Hopefully no one was injured.
Yesterday I decided to try a small watercolor of one of my iris photos and it kept getting worse and worse! So I gave it a bath in the sink and tried adding watersoluble graphite shadows and details..that didn't work so I washed it again. It is definitely one that will sit for a while!
I had a young friend talk to me about my art and he is very intuitive and honest and he suggested that one of my problems was inconsistency in my technique. What an insight. I hadn't really given that idea any thought..although i have talked about wanting a more classical training to upgrade my technique. I am a bit worried that I don't have a consistent body of work to present for anything requiring a portfolio.
I have also been struggling with pricing my artwork.
So no new artwork but I am posting one of a scrub jay that I did earlier this year. I haven't seen the pair who were nesting here for a while. and the starlings have fledged and we were able to clean out the bathroom vent and screen over it.
Have a great weekend!