Thursday, December 29, 2011

a change..I hope

Today while I felt the tears coming again..yes I am on my meds again so that should help..I got the distinct impression that I should pray. Now for those who personally know know that praying is not my automatic go-to choice when life gets upside down..suffice to say that living in Utah I was a convert of the prominent religion, then I unconverted (!?)to the dismay of friends and neighbors, and have been a pariah ever since..I chafe under the idea that any religion forces you to rather than get too deep into that dark side of my night..Praying is not my usual activity.
I also hate to ask for anything because if indeed there is a higher power hanging out and listening..surely he would give more apt attention to those in great need, not those like me who mess up their finances all by themselves, and get sad because life isn't all sweetness and light ( yes I know the story of the sparrow) I talked aloud with the idea and said "what would I ask for if I pray? Money,thinness,less knee pain,a job, someone to buy my art?" Then of course the answer practically shouted in my ear.."GIVE THANKS!"....
And you know what? That made so much sense..I began to cry..
I know, I know..I have sure been crying a lot these days...
So I am not joining a group, or getting to a nunnery, I am not less of a liberal,Democrat,weird artist..I just want to give thanks for all I have had, all I have and whatever the future brings.
So my other thought I just had in the moment and be thankful for whatever that moment is holding. Old concept, nothing new here, but a timely reminder.
So if you ask what religion I prescribe to..I might tell you ..The Church of the Hairy Dog..or..the church of turps and brushes..or maybe something animist, or whatever I feel that apologies to the church goers here..because I appreciate you and your prayers!
I just chafe at the order! But I think I need a new name for my "live in the moment thankfulness".
So right now I am thankful for all of you dear bloggers..a great community..


  1. Lovely Kay, keep that thought going and I am sure you will feel less of a need to cry. It works for me.

    PS love the new header.

  2. sweet kay, i have been sad to read how hard you have had it lately...the holidaze always make things seems much worse, in my not-so-humble opine...i am glad you are feeling better no matter how you got there....i understand your feelings of kids moving as one son is in singsing as in singapore and the other is in austin tx and since i cannot travel to them anymore and they have 4 of MY gkids, well, life is hard sometimes to accept.....being grateful is often forgotten and yet we forget as human beans how many things we have to be just that. so for you i wish a big fat wonderful 2012 filled with all things that will surprise and delight you...and who knows, if he moves near me, maybe we shall meet??! ;) xoxoxoxx

  3. Keep being courageous, Kay. Don't let the holidays get you down. I know they are a hard time of year. I usually don't do well either. Keep faith until the New Year. I hope 2012 will be very good for you and bring you lots of wonderful things and success in your art endeavors. Lots of love, XXX

  4. I know exactly how you must be feeling and I say amen to everything you wrote. It is hard to see the light when everything is gloomy around you, but I think you are on the right path and may the coming year fill you with joy again and maybe the patter of 4 more tiny feet!

  5. Just ride it Kay - the days are passing and very soon the holidays are a memory and you start to live "normally" again. Amen to that. You don't have to be a believer in any organised "God" to be grateful for the gift of life. None of us know the truth of "God" even though some will claim to. Try to find in every single day something good, interesting, beautiful. It is not so hard when we try. And go - treat yourself. A coffee downtown. A browse in a bookshop. A lie on the bed with a magazine. In the whole scheme of things what does it matter. But it will put a little light into your day and its value will go beyond the immediately obvious. Only you will know or care. But do it.

  6. Your religion is much the same as mine and many others who got off the buses. Happily, there are lots of us walking along the path and helping each other along.

    Best wishes for a Good New Year.

  7. I agree. With everything. I even agree with the tears.
    But, the moment yes. Live in the moment and be thankful. I'll try that more often too.