Wednesday, April 20, 2011

April, 20,2011

well I get to go on a drive to retrieve the rejects from the Springville museum. Sigh. I took time off from entering shows..costs of framing and entry fees and all those rejections!!! Well back again...
I think I need to work deeper..if you know what I mean.
I look at my recent art and know it has to grow and go somewhere..just where?
It is nice that I get positive reactions but I rarely get good constructive it is up to me to analyze and move myself forward.
Somedays it seems easier to stay in bed!
Does that sound like depression? Well I admit to having depression, having fought it, wallowed in it, conquered it many times in my adult life.
At least I recognize it when I am in it or heading to the depths!
So I feel I can work with it.
It might be time to let it become a part of my art.
I wish I could be satisfied with doing art for myself. I know, I know..even I have passed that advice along..but we are human and don't we crave approval?
I have felt slightly narcissistic for wanting official recognition of my art efforts but I know this is not the be all and end all of my life. It is just something I want! Like a child wanting attention from a mother who is busy doing housework..I sit on the steps and watch her take care of others.
Even with that ..I know as an educated life experienced adult that I need to make things happen for myself.
So I began again to enter shows and other venues and again I am feeling a bit battered.
I try not to be jealous of lovely artist friends who get to sell their work, who have scores of shows. I am happy for them, they so deserve it...and at the same time I want that for myself.
I am trying not to do the things that failed before...but the feelings are kind of the same.
So hopefully I have not depressed any one into sharing my little misery today. Just know that I love you all, I am so happy when your art lives are successful, you inspire me..but I want something for me too..and I just have to figure that out!!!
So I think I will head to the studio and lick my wounds for a tiny bit and then get on with it whatever it is!


  1. Hi Kay, First of all, your work is wonderful! Don't EVER doubt that--but I know exactly what you're saying--Those nasty rejections--I get mad, but I take them as a challenge, and I go even deeper to see what I can do.
    And next--what a small world--that you lived in Erie for a while! I've lived here all of my life--we complain about it alot (the weather mainly), but it's home. Our Spring AND Winter here has been a real test on all of us this year---Terrible!

  2. Hang in there!! Your work is awesome! We all go thru stages like this. I think it might be a cool idea to let it come out in your work. I wish I had some magic words...I guess just know you're not alone right!!

  3. Evening Kay,
    There was no way I wasn't going to add my two-cents to this post. You're right about needing more than positive comments. I just finished writing back to Rahina, letting her know she should always feel free to lay a slam on me whenever she thinks I need it. We all need it!
    The blog-o-sphere seems to mostly avoid anything negative, despite the help it would bring to many of us. Support and praise is great, but often allows us to drift into a place it's tough to grow out of.
    Everything you wrote is spot-on. We all must, ultimately be our own worst critics in order to move forward. In the seventeen years I've been at this, it's the single most important lesson I could pass on to a fellow painter. It's often difficult to look at something you've slaved over and say, "It sucks." Especially when it may be the best thing you've ever done.
    I guess it all comes down to asking, "Why am I doing this?" If the burn to create art erupts into a fire in the belly, you won't worry about much anymore. You will do what you do and the world will like it or not and it really doesn't matter.
    I've been where you are and still have to work to avoid feeling bad about my work and myself. I've come to realize I'm not meant to be in a commercial gallery. The Rental/Sales Gallery is far from any real commercial gallery, so it's okay. I've taken a long, hard look at my work and it's many weaknesses and have tried to turn some of those weaknesses into strengths. After all, not everyone is meant to paint the same way, achieve the same level of finish, color mastery or any other aspect. Uniqueness is what makes artists famous. Genuine uniqueness, not gimmicks.
    Finally, as much as I love a good non-objective painting, most leave me wanting more. Which is exactly why I began trying to paint people. You mentioned painting deeper. Nothing deeper than a portrait showing a universal emotion. We all can identify with that and are universally drawn to such works. The best still life I ever painted was just so much fruit. It was pretty, maybe even dramatic, but it was like fast food. I can only recommend giving it a try. It's always a challenge, but that's also what I love about it. It may be just what you're looking for.
    Sorry, Kay, for the excessive ramble, but I do feel strongly about this subject and now you have my two-cents, or maybe a buck-fifty worth!

  4. such lovely thoughts..thanks to all of you!

  5. Kay, I understand your feelings. I think all artists know them.

    We all want to say something nice when we comment on someone's work, but it would be great to have a blog available where we could post our work and expect constructive critique. Like the article in Artists Magazine called "Art Clinic".

  6. Love you work; fanciful and fun! Wish I could do what you do.
    But, as you know I am stuck with landscapes; the source of my sould and being. Stuck and not doing so well I would say as I cannot find a local gallery where I might hang my work.
    Oh, I get glowing comments ... but nobody wants them.
    However, that is okay; about to cut my ear off and see if that helps.
    Great blog!

  7. it was so good to read this and then to read Gary's comments. I've often begged for more critique and only a few people are brave enough to really help push you along. But it is true that there are many, many people that just want to hear praise when they put their art or writing out there. Your longing to go deeper in your art will manifest because you want it so- and regarding your depression- I'm sorry you struggle with it but you know by now it is what makes for your very sensitive, beautiful soul that me and many others have had the privilege to get to know!

  8. thanks so much..I do feel so much better today!!!

  9. Il est simple d'être un artiste... il suffit de se laisser aller, de faire surgir notre ressenti... La toile blanche est le fauteuil du psychologue... et vous le faites parfaitement bien...
    Chez le psy. on peut regretter de lui avoir dit ceci ou cela, mais qui va vous critiquer? Personne. En peinture, vous montrez votre art à certaines personnes qui n'ont aucune sensibilité... alors vous aurez de mauvaises critiques et puis vous ne pouvez pas plaire à tout le monde...
    Cependant tout artiste à des doutes, il trébuche, il se relève, il avance à son rythme et c'est tout ça qui fait que nous évoluons et que nous nous corrigeons aussi...
    Votre souci, qui n'en est pas un pourrait être un sujet de philosophie intéressant qui lui aussi pourrait être bien ou mal noté! Et pourquoi! C'est ainsi...
    Continuez à m'enchanter dans tous les cas...
    Un gros bisou et un grand merci pour vos gentils commentaires.

  10. I often feel much the same. Over the course of about 15 years when I lived in New England I was on the same treadmill as the one you've described. A couple of years ago I even wrote a story about it. What happened at the end of it was very nice but wasn't completely satisfactory since I only sold a couple of pieces and was once again in the minus column financially.

    I've sold some paintings over the years and have given others away as gifts. The problem with that is you can never be sure someone wanted that particular piece of your heart's work. I think we look for acceptance through our work but since we don't inhabit a trade and bartering culture money is the only measure we have of worth.

    If this is an example of your work getting deeper then I'd say you've succeeded. I'd love to be able to support other artists but simply can't afford to collect.

  11. I love owning other artists' work..but I can't afford it either! I do trade sometimes and that is fun.