Wednesday, April 20, 2011
well I get to go on a drive to retrieve the rejects from the Springville museum. Sigh. I took time off from entering shows..costs of framing and entry fees and all those rejections!!! Well back again...
I think I need to work deeper..if you know what I mean.
I look at my recent art and know it has to grow and go somewhere..just where?
It is nice that I get positive reactions but I rarely get good constructive critique..so it is up to me to analyze and move myself forward.
Somedays it seems easier to stay in bed!
Does that sound like depression? Well I admit to having depression, having fought it, wallowed in it, conquered it many times in my adult life.
At least I recognize it when I am in it or heading to the depths!
So I feel I can work with it.
It might be time to let it become a part of my art.
I wish I could be satisfied with doing art for myself. I know, I know..even I have passed that advice along..but we are human and don't we crave approval?
I have felt slightly narcissistic for wanting official recognition of my art efforts but I know this is not the be all and end all of my life. It is just something I want! Like a child wanting attention from a mother who is busy doing housework..I sit on the steps and watch her take care of others.
Even with that ..I know as an educated life experienced adult that I need to make things happen for myself.
So I began again to enter shows and other venues and again I am feeling a bit battered.
I try not to be jealous of lovely artist friends who get to sell their work, who have scores of shows. I am happy for them, they so deserve it...and at the same time I want that for myself.
I am trying not to do the things that failed before...but the feelings are kind of the same.
So hopefully I have not depressed any one into sharing my little misery today. Just know that I love you all, I am so happy when your art lives are successful, you inspire me..but I want something for me too..and I just have to figure that out!!!
So I think I will head to the studio and lick my wounds for a tiny bit and then get on with it whatever it is!