Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Please bear with my musings, since today they are very personal.  So after looking at other blogs..I feel that I am a bit boring!!!!  But my art is maybe that will keep me going.  Today I struggle with motivation.  Too much time on computer and watching Olympics this week and not enough really getting to the art in a big way.  

How do I get to making art in a big way? Don't I want to do it? Do I have the capacity to do more and more art? Is anyone interested in my art? Because, in spite of my logic telling me that the art is mine and I don't need people to like it, I just need to do it for myself; I want viewers, I want appreciators, I want "atta boys", I want to sell stuff. I think I need this validation almost as much as I need air.

Maybe that is why I loved going back to college, I got feedback, people saw me working, they had opinions, they seemed to like me and my art. I knew graduating would tear me from the safety and warmth I felt at school. I knew at my age I could handle the loneliness and rejection notices, and lack of attention and adulation.  I knew this, I know this, I don't like it.

So admittedly I am needy. I am insecure and depressed.  Not news or new.  The trick is getting me to just do art and continue to put myself out there in spite of how difficult it is to do.  I have read the books, I have attended events, I have made myself be more friendly, less shy. I continue to paint. So what is the problem?  Eric Maisel would say it is because I have lost the meaning in what I do. Maybe so. But I think I am lazy, scared, and simply want someone to tell me what to do..and since that is abhorrent to me..then I will continue to paint and try new things and ignore that childlike desire to go take a nap instead of confront my art.

Also I just need a better work ethic...more painting!!!!  

1 comment:

  1. Don't ever give up on your art Kay, it is a beautiful expression of who you are. I started painting when I was extremely depressed and it was much needed therapy for me :) Just let it flow and enjoy!!!!! BTW, your snow pictures are so gorgeous, we never have anything like that where I live in Australia..