Friday, October 19, 2012
What exactly is it that I want? What do I get from posting my "stuff" here and on Face Book? At first Face book was a way to be part of the study abroad group that was going to Europe in May of 2008. But really it didn't work very well. But once I was on..I was posting, liking sharing all that "stuff". Then I decided to have a page just for my art. I also decided to have an ETSY shop. that has fallen by the wayside. The Face book thing has become a place where I offend people with my liberal thinking and postings. So less than satisfying and some days just frustrating. I actually have 3 blogs. One that has never had a post, One that has 4 posts, and this one where I appear to have problems with posting my whole life and boring my followers. I actually meant it to be a place for just my art...but that didn't happen. I don't seem to be doing much art lately and I have the constant nagging voice of one of my University teachers saying "one in 10 of you will be doing art in 10 years". I was so determined I would not be one of the 9. Already I know of several fellow students, young ones, who have given up art and gone on to other things..as if all that painting was too difficult and too much expected by others, by themselves. What was I expecting of myself? I wanted to finally concentrate on art..supposedly my first love. But I have to face the facts of being me...I love lots of things. I think I may have a poem in me or a short story. I think that art will always be a part of my life but why do I think I need to make money at it? I know I often thought that I would be single again and need to make a living..so I had thought to continue on with school and get a Masters so I could teach college level art...but at my age..I am just not that interested in that idea. I have worried that my husband may not be around long because all the men in his life died young, he has many medical problems. So I thought "make this pay" But my commitment level has leveled off and I find I am not an everyday artist. I suppose I could say that the orthopedic problems I have been dealing with have caused me to slow things down. And it could be true. I have had sciatica nerve pain in my left leg for months and it has made working 8 hrs. a day standing so painful I was relieved when the season for me came to an end early. Turns out I have a lower back problem that is causing it and an epidural the other day did nothing to stem the pain. Also the right knee is being replaced on Nov. 19th and I have lived without cartilage in that knee for a few years. Amazing what you can used to but not realize how it is truly affecting your life! So I suppose I can blame pain but I know how I am...flitting from one thing to another..I hope that giving up my studio at Poor Yorick is not the end of my art "career" such as it was. So I am flying to Ohio on the 27th of Oct. to visit my family and I hope to spend time not worrying about art. I get back on the 16th of Nov. and get ready for surgery on the 19th. Here is hoping the pain gets dealt with and my mind can focus again on a more creative life. I feel a need for a complete makeover...at age 59 is that crazy? Maybe what I mean is I want to let the me loose that I have always held back... what would you do if you let yourself truly loose and did whatever it was that you love,love, love? I do know that part of me wants the support that I get from many of you. It seems strange to need that from well people I have never met...but it is nice! Have a great day, a great weekend, if you have words of wisdom...I would love to hear them!