March8,2010

After staying away from my studio for several days..I am determined to go there today and at least start matting and framing up some watercolors, gouache paintings and drawings  for the open studio March 26 and 27. Sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything and try not to beat myself up over that lack of ambition on occasion.  Generally I fight that malaise every day but sometimes I just give in to it and eat comfort food, do a puzzle, take a nap and in general take care of me. 

I have been pushing and driving myself..determined to make art happen and maybe even get people to look at my art or want it..not succeeding well in that area! I have considered taking it easy and just painting and forgetting the self promotion, the computer time, the show entries, the rejections!!  Lots of those!

So at the risk of creating in obscurity..I am planning to just do what ever I want..even if it doesn't result in a cohesive "body of work".  My oldest son will not like my lack of business acumen or ambition..he has a business degree and sees life in  the color of money, business drive, fame!  Ahh to be young again..but I am not.. I am in my late 50s and ready to just do art. 

Although making art can be the hardest thing I ever do.  It is not easy turning on the creative juices at will. It isn't easy to know that so few people like what you do or seek it out. It is hard not to compare yourself to what others are doing or achieving.  It is hard to make others understand that this isn't just a pleasurable "hobby".  It is so far from pleasurable at times that I question why I do it..except that I know I must get it out.  And the narcissist in me wants people to like me, love my art, want my art, thereby wanting me!  I am honest about that because I believe most artists..if they are honest want that for themselves too.  

I remember thinking when my Dad died that after my sons are gone from this earth..no one will be around who knew Dad...what will anyone remember about him that isn't just in old yellowing photos? I thought..I want to have something better than a photo. I want to have some artwork.  I would love for the silly art writers to speculate on what I was thinking or doing at the time I was painting that weird thing that is on the wall of some dusty museum!  

But I am mature enough to know that those are shallow desires and and my life is worth much more than that right now.  So I paint and hope I paint not for the future or accolades...because they are few and far between..but for myself and today.  Well I try to be so noble...hmmm think I need some mac and cheese!

Let me find something to show you out of my art photos