Dec. 16,2011

Cold...smog/fog...cold
I realize many things about my art.
Some days I do by rote and am usually not having a great time doing art.
Other days I seem to dig deeper and what comes are ideas upon ideas..
The worse part is if I act on those ideas and I make mud...
Down down down I go into the rabbit hole of questioning myself and my motives..
But sometimes those ideas become something I like, possibly love..I may not know it until days later that I am loath to part with the lovely thing I created and I want to do more.
Those are the days I live for.
Not the days where I worry about money and can I ever sell art. Or the constant driving for ideas to make the $$ by teaching, or selling out, or just plain obnoxiously pushing my art until I am sick of me!
It seems childish to want to do art just for me..but it also is a profound thing..to do art for the love of art.
The Yellow Rooster I posted yesterday led me to thinking about why I did it.
Other than I was already paid to do it..it had to have colors to match her remodeling job, new rug,etc. The first one I did as part of some experimenting and had way more fun doing it.
I kind of like doing chickens but it made me kind of ill to think that what I would do for the joy of it and the love of the little pteradactyls in in my yard..turned into a money issue and not much at that!!!
I appreciate this client..even though she only buys small things. She loves my animal paintings and I love that she does.
I just am not entirely happy with this small commission, it felt odd to do it because it was paid for in advance.
Now how strange is that? Don't as artists we all want to have someone want our art badly enough to commission something? I thought I did..but actually I don't. And it isn't because I am an elitist, or stupid..well maybe stupid.
I just want people to like what I come up with in my own head and hands well enough to buy it because they liked my vision. I am sorry to say that this little Yellow Rooster did not have any vision for me except doing it because I had to.
Now don't get me wrong..as an adult..I am well aware of the "have-tos" in anyone's lives. I have plenty..but I really want my art to be separate from that..as unrealistic as that sounds.
Take for example my current workings for the Feb. show. I am so excited about this that I am doing more work than can be hung in the space..I am in a zone and even if
some turns to mud, or doesn't represent the subject..I am learning and hopefully improving my technique and my vision. It may be that what gets hung is far from the original portfolio entry..and I am not worried.
I do know that hung together they will be striking and hopefully interesting to viewers . I know I am constantly enjoying some of the effects I have managed to do.
So I am posting some of what got me going in the first place..photos taken of the cosmos by Hubble, and some of what I have done already. The show is called Between Earth and Orion.

this is by no means all of what I have done, some of the smaller,tiny pieces have sold..but is a sampling of what I am doing and having a great time doing it. Have a nice day