11/18/2011 more art

A good artist friend called me on the small paintings I have been doing. I emailed her photos of them and she emailed back.."What are you doing?".
She is worried that I have no longer gone deep and used my brain to create more clever and meaningful art. I know in one way she is right. I started with the Bee painting for a friend's granddaughter and sort of went on from there with fun in mind instead of trying to dig deep for subject matter and composition. I admit they are somewhat shallow and goofy but I have had fun and it has kept me painting while I mull over what direction to go in next!!
Still sometimes it is hard to keep trying to think about art. I was always accused of over thinking by some of my college professors. They wanted me to be more spontaneous and personal. And now I seem to have gone the other way!!! Hopefully I can find a middle ground of mature themes and whimsy together.
I also think I have worried too much about what financial success I have not had in art. Also I have gone through a lot of times where I wanted badly to be recognized in shows, or competitions. I have even fallen prey to wanting lots of comments on my posted art whether here or on facebook.
I think this speaks to a serious lack of self assuredness. I can act assured and mature but deep inside I just want everyone to like me and my art!!! Wouldn't you think at my advancing age and life experience that I wouldn't need such kudos and accolades, recognition for whatever? Still I recognize this problem and try to set aside those childish thoughts by just doing art and being myself.
Many times I see the apparent freedom in ideas and styles that many artists have and I am envious yet I know that I do my own thing and should do my own art.
So even at 58, there is much to learn and so much more to do. I am just trying to keep doing art.
Forgive me my self indulgence on this post. I figure I am not alone in the underwhelming lack of self esteem. I think this is a product of working alone and being alone too much. More job hunting today!!!
So with my friend's words in my head..I did this 12"x12" painting yesterday and yes...I did have fun. I call it "Sailfish Constellation". It is acrylic paint and glitter!!! Something about sparkly things just makes me happy!
No need to boost my morale, this is something I deal with a lot and sometimes just writing it down makes me see things in a better light. But thanks for listening have a great day.